E-Club ProThe Comedy Zone
The Convention
The third Sunday in July was agreed at the committee meeting as the date for the annual one day convention. Actually, it was always the third Sunday in July, and had been since 1938 when the first event was set at that date to coincide with the start of the annual holiday period for the workers at the Car Reclamation And Processing factory where the convention was staged. The fact that the factory had long since closed and that the one day event had for the last 20 years taken place in the function room of the Little Handmedown Cricket and Bowls club, was not seen as a good reason for changing it. The fact that the Greater Thrumpington Sale and Exchange Bonanza Extravaganza now took place on the same day no more than 20 miles away was also not seen as a good enough reason to move the date - after all they were there first, and the Extravaganza was clashing with their date, not the other way round.
Harry Dollop ticked the entry on his Agenda sheet marked 'Convention Date' and took a deep breath before embarking on the next item, 'Convention Events'.
"Everyone I have spoken to on the committee over the last few days seems agreed that we should start at 10am sharp with the official opening speech from our President, and this should be immediately followed at 11.35am by the lecture on 'Unusual Uses For The Thumbtip' by our very own Gerry Trout. After a two hour break for lunch and a 10 minute visit to the dealers (or dealer, if Willy The Balloon Man can't make it), we will move on to the annual Troublewit Competition. After a break for a cup of tea we'll finish with the Gala Showette, featuring our very own Amazing Shambles, who will perform the first 90 minutes of their 6 hour touring show entitled The Leaping About And Pointing To Loud Music Show. And that just about wraps it up for another year."
It seemed churlish to point out that this format was the same one which had been used at the convention the previous year, and the year before that. In fact, always! But as Harry could be relied upon to say, and almost undoubtedly would, 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it.'
But the number of convention registrants had been steadily dropping. From its heady heights of 120 people it had fallen now to around 40, 35 of whom were committee members, helpers, and catering staff. If only a few of the 1500 who attended the Extravaganza could be tempted down again, it would make all the difference.
"May I make a suggestion?" Phil Rookie, newly elected committee member, had spoken for the first time at the meeting and took everyone somewhat by surprise as normally noone would dare to interrupt Harry Dollop's unstoppable march through his Agenda. Phil wasn't to know that, of course. Harry fixed him with one of his stern 'over the glasses' stares.
"Must you do so now? We're only on point 5 of the Agenda and the pubs close at 10.30pm you know."
Unperturbed, Phil did continue. "Well, yes, I think it is appropriate to make my comments now. Has it ever occurred to anyone that if we want to attract more people we ought to perhaps shake things up a bit. You know, maybe do away with the Troublewit Competition and replace it with something a bit more exciting."
So many people had tried to tamper with Harry's convention timetable in the past, that the rest of the committee members knew it was a non-starter, and so they sat back and waited for the inevitable reply.
"The convention line up was instigated by our first President, the Right Honourable Sidney Trumpet QC, back in 1938, and there is no doubt that his inspired choice is as relevant today as it was back then. Who are we to tamper with so much tradition? It is part of the success of our long running event that things should remain exactly as they are so that people who come will know what to expect and can feel comfortable with the line up. Change is very unsettling. Break with tradition and you are on the slippery slope to disaster."
Change for the sake of it was not necessarily a good thing, but surely something should be done to arrest the decline in the attendance figures.
"Have you ever actually tried altering any of the running order."
All the other committee members squirmed in their seats. Most of them remembered Bernard Fixit who just like Phil had dared to suggest an alteration to the convention programme. He was removed from the committee for allegedly supplying svengali decks in the clubroom to one of the members of the club's Junior Section, and shortly after he left the club altogether when an unsubstantiated rumour had circulated that he had made up for his own use one of the ideas from Gerry Trout's 'Bizarre Things To Do With A Swami Gimmick' lecture which had been featured at the convention three years previously. Was Phil about to suffer the same fate?
"No, there has never been any need to. As I always say, 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it'. Now, please, can we get on?"
'Getting on' was what the committee now did. They approved the convention budget of £12.50, agreed that the caterers from last year should be invited to attend as always, and re-appointed Fred as PRO, which essentially meant he would put up his uniquely designed crayon poster advertising the convention in the window of the local village post office.
Everything was thus done and dusted for another year. The fourteen public shows done by the members each year to earn enough money to cover the loss made by the convention was already arranged (same as last year, actually), and so the committee retired to the pub satisfied on another job well done. And who knows - with the top line up of acts this year perhaps they would break the attendance barrier of 50!
