E-Club ProThe Comedy Zone
"Hello John, fancy meeting you here! I thought you were off to foreign climes."
"Hi Steve. Well, yes we were, but when the gaffer looked into it he discovered that I would have to be locked away for quite some time before I could be let out to take part in the show, so he went without me. Bit upset really, because I really don't think he should be using non-union labour, but what can you do?"
"Yeah, quite right. How's the training been going for the new act?"
"Well, I'm a bit worried about it really. We are due to do it for the first time at Blackpool next year, so it's only a few months away, but you know what the boss is like, he just never seems to get round to the necessary practice. What little spare time he does seem to get he spends either down the magic club or watching endless DVDs of Lance Burton. Don't know what he sees in him to be honest. From what I've been able to judge, the American guy doesn't seem to have real quality help. On one occasion I saw one of our guys fail to do a tight circle and he ended up colliding with the curtains at the side of the stage. Very embarrassing. Hardly a credit to our profession, eh?"
"Well no. Mind you sometimes there are mitigating circumstances. I nearly had a nasty one with my boy the other day. I was sitting there all nice and comfortable and getting myself braced for the big moment, when I suddenly noticed that the music wasn't quite right. Then I felt his master's heart rate suddenly leap up and then, without any warning, he yanked me out! Honestly, all the practice and he just panicked. Course, I wasn't fully ready, was I. I tried to do the flap as usual to get the necessary attention, but it all came over as a bit half hearted really. It was so annoying because I just knew that I would get all the blame, but if he'd just kept calm we could have got back on track. Still, I suppose he is only young and he'll learn."
"Seen any of the others in the gang lately?"
"Actually, yes. We did a gig together last week when doing the cage vanish. Jack and Sandy were there, so it was nice to catch up with them, and I'll tell you who else was on there, and it was a bit of a surprise, it was Joseph."
"Really? I thought he'd been retired after the Breakaway Box incident."
"Yes, we all did. I mean he really gave the game away on that one, didn't he? Should have tucked in a lot more than he did. But apparently he went back into intensive training and his lord and master decided to give him another try. However, just between you and me, I don't think he's going to be around much longer. I mean, have you seen the condition he's in? Too much time at the feed tray I suspect."
"Have you seen the new harness by the way? No? Oh it's a lot better than the old one. The fastening comes open so much quicker and you don't get your hind quarters ripped to shreds on the way past. Also, my boss is getting a new outfit next week too. Hope he doesn't sweat so much in this one, 'cos the stench can get overpowering in there at times!"
"My young 'un is still using his Dad's hand downs. Honestly, I don't know how I'm supposed to turn in a good performance in the cramped conditions I have to work in. Ridiculous really. He should use some of the money he's earning from our gigs to get himself at least a proper jacket. Also, the current lining makes me itch and sometimes I am desperate to sneeze but don't like to in case the music is at a low point and I give the game away."
"Well, you're certainly looking in good shape these days. Are you working out?"
"Not much. I don't seem to get a great deal of flying time these days really. Although he did leave the door open the other day so I took the opportunity to do a quick scouting mission around the appartment. Have you ever tried Doritos? I found some on the table. Bit tangy but quite nice. Didn't get much of a chance to try any of the other food lying around because the gaffer came in and I had to go back home."
"Talk of the devil, I think our guys have just come back in. Hope they didn't go to the pub. They seem so uncoordinated after some time in the boozer. Once I ended up spending the night in the microwave instead of my normal place - just a good job it wasn't on!"
"Shhhh. They're here. Speak to you again soon."
"Coo coo."
"Coo coo."
