E-Club ProThe Comedy Zone
The Ultimate Guide To.....Attending The IBM British Ring Convention
PART TWO
THE CIVIC RECEPTION
This takes place on the Wednesday evening and is a delightful mix of flags, flags and er ... flags. Some conventioneers like the flags so much that they spend the entire evening in the bar! However, it has to be said that some of these same people seem to enjoy the entire IBM programme so much that they spend it all in the bar! Well, it's not like you can spend just any old evening in a bar, so I guess they have to take such a rare opportunity when it presents itself.
THE STAGE COMPETITION
Thursday evening sees the annual marathon - otherwise known as the IBM Shield Competition. There are staggering prizes to be won (well some of the trophies are so large that it is difficult not to stagger when carrying them!), but the true art of the evening comes not in taking part (well, ANYONE can do that) but in being part of the select few who know how to behave correctly as an audience. So that you are not left out, here are some suggestions.
What you have to realise right from the outset is that the audience is not waiting to see the good acts, but is eagerly anticipating the really BAD acts. Because it is at this stage than an audience reveals its true status. Exaggerated clapping and cheering, laughing at all the wrong moments and generally making derogatory comments are all part of the general entertainment. If you are not up to doing this, then you may have to take the soft option and enter the competition yourself.
CLOSE UP
This is highly popular, both the competition and the International Show. Hundreds of registrants want to see the acts and the IBM is committed to providing the very best viewing conditions that their money will buy. Big screen video, tiered seating, separate rooms, repeat performances are all ... a good idea! My advice is - get there early!
THE GALA SHOW
This is the showpiece of the week. All the best acts are usually on this show. To be really cool, you need to miss at least half of the show and spend it in the bar (again).
THE TRUE IBM CONVENTIONEER
Finally, to be a true IBM conventioneer you need to look the part. As the week progresses try to look increasingly tired. Forgetting to shave so that some stubble appears is a good idea (unless you already have a beard ... or are a woman), and try not to wash or comb your hair. Sweating copiously, irrespective of whether it is hot or not, is almost obligatory.
You see, the true conventioneer never sleeps as he is up all night at sessions with the 'in crowd' (click HERE for full information on this important aspect of behaviour) and so the worse you look the better time you must be having. In fact, the ultimate strategy is to actually ARRIVE at the convention looking like a disaster area, as this implies that you have just come from another convention somewhere else in the world!
Always greet friends extremely loudly so that everyone notices you are there and if you are a megastar (or would like others to think that you are), try not to greet anyone at all! So that's it. Have a good convention!
